FADE
IN:
INT.
OFFICE HALLWAY -- DAY
A
man in his late twenties stands before a door.
He is
dark-haired, incredibly handsome, and is wearing
a navy
suit. This is BOB HULE, a tax accountant for the
firm,
Thorn, Horne, and Butt. He knocks softly on the
door.
MR. BUTT (OS)
Who is it?
Bob
opens the door and cautiously steps inside. A
middle-
aged man is seated behind a desk. He is 100 pounds
overweight, has dark hair with streaks of gray,
and is
wearing a black suit. This is MR. BUTT, the president
of
the firm.
MR. BUTT
(looks up)
Oh, it's you. Have a seat.
Bob
sits down in front of Mr. Butt's desk.
MR. BUTT
(looking down at his calculator)
How was your long weekend?
BOB
Awesome. I went to the coast
with a lovely lady.
MR. BUTT
Did you get rid of that headache
you had on Friday?
BOB
Yeah, it only lasted until -- an
hour after I got home.
MR. BUTT
Make sure you deduct a half-day
from your sick leave allowance.
BOB
I will, Sir.
MR. BUTT
Let me get straight to the point
with you, Bob. Do you still want
that promotion in Varsity?
BOB
(with enthusiasm)
Oh, yes. Definitely. I've wanted
to be a branch manager for as
long as I can remember.
MR. BUTT
Do you understand what is
required to assume that
position?
BOB
(with a sly smile)
I can handle any position,
Sir... I have what it takes.
MR. BUTT
(sternly)
Then why aren't you doing it?
BOB
What do you mean?
MR. BUTT
You get here at a quarter to
eight every morning. That's
good. You barely take a lunch
break. I like that. But at five
o’clock on the nose, zip, you’re
outta here... You’ve got to work
extra hours to prove you want
that promotion.
BOB
(pleading)
I’ve been studying the new tax
act every night, Sir.
MR. BUTT
That's good. Studying at home is
a basic requirement of all our
employees.
BOB
So what's the problem?
MR. BUTT
The problem? The problem -- is
there hasn't been any additional
output in your performance. If
you want to advance your career,
you should be staying here late
at the office -- like I do.
BOB
I’m sorry, Sir. Lucy, my fiance
-- she really wants me to spend
time with her.
MR. BUTT
That’s not my concern. What
concerns me is your duty to the
company.
BOB
Absolutely, Sir. I understand
duty.
(nods)
Totally.
MR. BUTT
What are you going to do about
it?
BOB
I’ll put in more time. Right
away, Sir.
MR. BUTT
I didn’t ask you to put in more
time.
BOB
You didn’t?
MR. BUTT
No. You have to choose to do
that on your own. I have nothing
to do with your decision.
BOB
I understand, Sir.
MR. BUTT
Understand we never had this
conversation.
BOB
I won’t remember anything you
said, Sir.
MR. BUTT
You can go now.
BOB
Will do. Be gone right away.
Bob
rises from his chair and nearly trips. Mr. Butt
shakes
his head.
MR. BUTT
I hope that young lady doesn't
distract you from your most
important priorities.
BOB
No, I've been taking care of --
them very well... And Lucy is a
real beauty. I love everything
about her.
MR. BUTT
(smiles)
Yes, I'm sure you do. My wife
Marnie is good friends with
Lucy's mother. You've made one
hell of a financial move if you
can marry into that family.
Victor Bigg is loaded.
BOB
Yes, I know. I’m so in love.
MR. BUTT
Yes, well -- aren’t we’re all --
with something. I’ve got lots of
work to do, Bob. Can you do
something for me?
BOB
Sir, you just name it. I'm your
man.
MR. BUTT
Get out of my office and get
back to work!
Bob
hurries out of the office, closes the door, and
runs
to the bathroom.
INT.
HALLWAY -- MOMENTS LATER
We
hear the abnormally loud sound of flatulence,
then the
flush of a toilet, and running water. Bob walks
out of the
bathroom and leans against the wall. He wipes
the sweat
from his forehead. A man approaches in the hallway.
He is
pencil-thin, has curly brown hair, and is in his
early
thirties. This is BILL GUNE.
BILL
In trouble with the Boss again?
BOB
No, not at all. Everything's
fine, man.
BILL
You seem to be going in there a
lot lately. What did he want?
BOB
Oh, nothing. He just had a few
questions to ask me. He needed
my advice.
BILL
Really, eh? I wish he'd ask
me... Hey, have you heard the
latest?
BOB
No. What?
BILL
A little birdie told me Thorn,
Horne, and Butt is for sale.
BOB
Oh, yeah? Who said that?
BILL
(quietly)
Agatha.
BOB
Don’t believe a thing Agatha
tells you, Bill. She has no
clue. The Boss would never sell
out.
BILL
(looks both ways)
I don’t know. Someone else the
office --
(nods his head)
overheard the Boss on a
telephone call.
BOB
You pay too much attention to
office gossip, man.
BILL
(defensive)
Fine. I won’t let you in on any
juicy details.
BOB
That's fine by me. I gotta get
back to work.
BILL
Yeah, me too. I've got a huge
pile of files on my desk. I'll
be here late tonight.
(sighs)
Again.
BOB
You're always working late,
Bill. Why do you do that?
BILL
Hey, I don't mind. I love my
job. And besides, I got nothing
else to do.
BOB
You need to get a life. Get a
girlfriend -- or something.
BILL
Yeah, I wish, but I've never
been too lucky with the ladies.
I wish I had your charms.
BOB
(proudly)
Doesn’t every man?
EXT.
AGATHA’S TOWNHOUSE -- DOORSTEP -- MORNING
A
young man knocks on the door of a townhouse. He
is
short, has horn-rimmed glasses, and is in his
early
twenties. This is JAMES THWARP. A beautiful brunette
in
her late twenties opens the door. This is AGATHA
BLAHST.
Her black cat runs out and rubs against James’
leg. James
steps hard on the cat's tail. The cat meows in
pain.
AGATHA
Oh, Angel, my poor kitty... My
poor baby.
JAMES
Sorry, Agatha. I, I --
AGATHA
(angrily)
God! You're such a clutz, James!
Do you have the money?
JAMES
(opens his wallet)
I've got five hundred.
AGATHA
(grabbing the bills)
That'll do. I’ll pay you back as
soon as I can.
JAMES
You were a little late paying
back your last loan.
AGATHA
James, sexy secretaries like me
are very underpaid for the work
we do.
JAMES
Just don’t think I have barrels
of money to lend you, Agatha.
AGATHA
I think our little arrangement
makes my loan worth your while.
JAMES
Uh, let's keep that... a secret,
OK?
AGATHA
(assuring)
Oh, of course. I always keep
secrets.
JAMES
I think you give them away as
fast as you’re told them.
AGATHA
Whatever, James. You’d better
get going.
JAMES
Why?
AGATHA
Lucy is coming over this
morning, and I don’t want her to
see you here.
JAMES
Why? Are you ashamed of me?
AGATHA
No, not really... But if she
sees you in my house...
JAMES
What?
AGATHA
Well, you know how rumours get
started.
JAMES
(turns and walks away)
Fine then. I’ll leave!
AGATHA
Pick me up at seven on Friday
for the Halloween party. Don’t
forget!
JAMES
(looks back)
Yeah, yeah. I'll be on time.
Don't you forget you owe me four
more nights.
AGATHA
(sighs)
Yes, I'll do my -- duty for you.
INT.
AGATHA’S TOWNHOUSE -- LIVING ROOM -- MORNING
Agatha
is seated on a sofa. She is wearing a pair of
white
boxer shorts, and has a bath towel wrapped around
her
chest. Her hair is wet and messy. Seated across
from her
on a love seat is LUCY BIGG, a beautiful, buxom
blonde in
her early twenties. A pot of Earl Gray tea is
set between
them on a small table. Agatha's black cat is in
the corner
licking her tail.
AGATHA
And that's all he said?
LUCY
Yes, isn't it strange?
(beat)
Agatha, I really appreciate you
letting me come over to talk
about this.
AGATHA
Oh, don't worry about it. I can
do my hair later.
LUCY
(wipes a tear from her eye)
I’m not sure if Bob loves me
anymore.
AGATHA
(with amazement)
Why would you think that?
LUCY
He's never relaxed when we’re
together.
AGATHA
Maybe he has something on his
mind. Have you asked him?
LUCY
Yes, and he says nothing's the
matter.
AGATHA
Oh, girl. He’s probably just
nervous about the big day in the
spring.
LUCY
Agatha, I think he’s seeing
someone.
Agatha
rises and moves across to the love seat. She
squeezes Lucy’s hand.
AGATHA
Oh, Lucy. Don't be paranoid.
LUCY
He hasn’t spent much time with
me lately. He always has an
important meeting with his Boss,
or some tax manual to study.
AGATHA
Bob's a busy man. Accountants
have very heavy work loads.
That's why they get paid the
salaries they do.
LUCY
Yes, but I thought this is the
slow time of year. Tax season
doesn’t start until January.
AGATHA
Girl, just relax. If you don’t
trust him now, how will you
trust him when you get married?
LUCY
Agatha, I think he's only
marrying me because Daddy has
lots of money.
AGATHA
Well, I’m sure many men would
love you for that. But I know
Bob wouldn’t.
LUCY
Do you think Bob loves me?
AGATHA
I'm sure he doesn't love anyone
else.
LUCY
Does he ever say nice things
about me?
AGATHA
No, he's never said a word about
you.
(Lucy starts to cry)
But, Lucy. Bob and I aren't
great friends or anything. He
doesn't share the intimate
details of his life with me.
(puts her arm around Lucy)
The more important question --
is do you love him?
LUCY
Of course I do.
AGATHA
But is he really the right man
for you?
LUCY
(dreamily)
Oh, yes! The first few months of
our relationship was like a
fairy tale. He swept me off my
feet and made me feel like a
princess.
(sighs)
But since our engagement in
August, he hasn't been the same.
AGATHA
What are you going to do about
it then?
LUCY
I don’t know.
AGATHA
Maybe you should delay the
wedding.
LUCY
Oh, Agatha! How could I? I’d be
so ashamed. How could I ever
face my father?
AGATHA
Victor doesn’t like Bob, does
he?
LUCY
No, not at all. I’ve fought so
hard for Daddy to accept him. He
thinks Bob’s a loser. If I tell
him I’m not sure if Bob loves
me, he’ll tell me what a foolish
girl I was for proposing
marriage to him.
AGATHA
But how would you face your
father if you marry Bob, he
spends all your money, and then
wants a divorce?
LUCY
Do you think Bob would do such a
thing?
(fearfully)
You doubt his love for me, too!
AGATHA
I didn’t say that.
LUCY
I’ve got to do something. Deep
down I just know he's seeing
someone else.
AGATHA
You have a difficult decision to
make... Would you like another
cup of tea?
LUCY
No. Thank you though... Agatha,
promise me you won’t tell anyone
what I've told you.
AGATHA
Oh, Lucy! Why would I? You know
you can trust me.
LUCY
Yes, you’re my best friend,
Agatha. You’re the only person
in my life I really trust.
AGATHA
(gives Lucy a hug)
I am so glad for our friendship.
LUCY
(rises)
I have to go.
AGATHA
You’ve decided something?
LUCY
Yes. I’m going to ask Bob if
he’s seeing another woman.
AGATHA
That’s very bold. I hope you get
the answer you're looking for.
LUCY
(walks to the door)
I just hope I find out the
truth. I'll call you later, OK?
AGATHA
(smiling)
Whatever happens I'm sure it
will be for the best.
LUCY
I hope so... Bye.
Lucy
leaves. Agatha rushes to the telephone and dials
a
number.
AGATHA
Yes, extension 333 please... We
have to talk! You're busy? She's
on her way to your office?
(confused)
How can that be? Well, get out
of there and meet me here. OK,
I’ll be there as fast as I can.
EXT.
BOB’S HOUSE -- DOORSTEP -- DAY
Agatha
is standing outside Bob’s house. She presses
the
doorbell. Bob is sitting on the stairs, reading
a letter.
Agatha rings the doorbell again. Bob slips the
letter in
his pocket and opens the door. He pokes his head
out and
looks both ways.
BOB
Quick! Get inside!
Agatha
tries to hug Bob, but he pushes her away.
BOB
What’s all this about? Mr. Butt-
head hates it when I take off
early.
AGATHA
Lucy's going to confront you.
BOB
(nervously)
What? She doesn’t know about us,
does she?
AGATHA
No... But she thinks you might
be seeing someone.
BOB
Wh -- why would she think that?
AGATHA
(smiling)
Well, you have been a little
busy lately with your beautiful
B-O-S-S.
Agatha
puts her arms around Bob. She grabs his butt.
BOB
(pushes her away)
No, none of that. This is
serious.
AGATHA
Relax. There’s nothing to worry
about.
BOB
What do I say to her?
AGATHA
Just deny it.
BOB
(scoffs)
And that will solve her doubts?
AGATHA
Tell her you love her then.
BOB
That doesn’t that bother you?
AGATHA
I know you’re only marrying her
so you can spend Victor's money.
Besides -- you promised me you
would divorce her in a year so
you can marry me.
BOB
Yes... That’s true.
AGATHA
Well, what’s the problem then?
BOB
I never thought she would doubt
my love for her. What if she
finds out?
AGATHA
Don't worry. She won’t.
BOB
(closes his eyes)
God, I hope not.
AGATHA
And what if she does? You won’t
be rich, but you’ll still have
me.
BOB
There’s much more at stake here,
Agatha.
AGATHA
Like what?
BOB
I’ll lose credibility with the
company. Mr. Butt-head is good
friends with Lucy’s father. I
can’t let Lucy find out about us
or I, I -- could get fired.
AGATHA
Oh, don't be silly. Mr. Butt
would never do that. Besides,
Lucy is so naive. She’ll never
figure it out.
The doorbell rings. Agatha looks through the eyehole.
BOB
Who is it?
AGATHA
Who do you think it is, stupid?
It's Lucy!
BOB
Why is she here this early? I’m
not home from work yet.
(pushes her)
Quick! Go out the back!
Agatha
hurries to the kitchen and runs outside. Bob opens
the front door.
BOB
(full of love)
Hello, my darling!
LUCY
(surprised)
I went to your office, but you
weren't there.
BOB
(rubs his head)
Yeah, I had a headache... The
Boss told me to go home early.
LUCY
(steps inside)
I have something important to
ask you, Bob.
BOB
(tries to look surprised)
Oh? Really? What is it, dear?
LUCY
I need to know if you love me.
BOB
Lucy, you know I love you. Why
else would I agree to marry you?
LUCY
I want to believe you love me,
but I don’t think you do.
BOB
What? That's crazy!
LUCY
The last two months we haven’t
spent much time together. You’re
always busy studying those tax
manuals, or running off to an
urgent meeting with Mr. Butt.
BOB
Things are really hectic at the
office, dear.
LUCY
Yes, but I thought the fall was
usually a slow time of year.
BOB
(lowers his voice)
Putting in extra hours increases
the odds the Boss will give me
the promotion in Varsity. You
understand that, don’t you?
LUCY
I guess. I --
BOB
(still talking softly)
Lucy, you want to move there
just as much as I do. You said
you want to get away from your
overbearing father.
LUCY
Yes, I suppose. But I feel
neglected.
BOB
Lucy, my pretty little pigeon!
Don’t doubt my love for you.
Bob
reaches to hug Lucy, but she turns away.
LUCY
(angrily)
Don't. This is serious... I
think you’re seeing another
woman, Bob.
(turns and faces him)
You are, aren't you?
BOB
(laughs)
Oh, come on... Don't be silly!
LUCY
Tell me the truth. Are you in
love with someone else?
BOB
(hesitates)
No, of course not! I don't love
any other woman in the world...
That’s the honest truth.
LUCY
(wipes a tear from her eye)
Oh, I’m sorry, I -- I just had
to ask you. I don’t feel loved.
BOB
(holds her)
Lucy, you are like a yellow
buttercup that is fully in
bloom. I love every single thing
about you. In fact, you mean
more to me than any woman I’ve
ever known. Don't doubt that.
LUCY
(smiles)
OK. I’ll try not to. But will
you promise not to work longer
than you have to?
BOB
For you, Lucy, I will do
anything.
LUCY
Let’s do something special
tonight. How about dinner at the
Three Rivers?
BOB
I can’t.
LUCY
Why?
BOB
I have to study some
interpretation bulletins.
LUCY
Then let's go to Burger Hell. We
can get takeout.
BOB
I can’t.
LUCY
Why not?
BOB
(hesitates)
Because -- I’m having dinner
with the Boss to discuss a
proposal.
LUCY
(clearly disappointed)
Oh... Maybe I should go then.
BOB
I’m sorry, dear.
(puts his hand on his forehead)
My headache... I really should
lie down.
LUCY
OK. Call me when you're feeling
better.
BOB
I will... Just remember... My
self-sacrifice is all for
Varsity.
LUCY
(she walks to the door)
Take a couple Tylenol, OK?
BOB
Yes, such good advice! Bye, my
love...
LUCY
(blows him a kiss)
Bye.
BOB
(catches the kiss)
I'll call you later -- when my
pain has left me.
Lucy
turns and leaves. Bob closes his eyes and breathes
a
sigh of relief. Agatha sneeks up behind Bob and
pinches
his butt. He turns and kisses her.
INT.
KING’S SILVER COFFEE HOUSE -- MORNING
James
and Agatha are seated at a round table. A beautiful
redhead in her early twenties takes a seat next
to Agatha.
She has a constant wide-eyed facial expression.
This is
ANITA TRIP. Agatha is drinking a cup of coffee.
James is
staring down at his empty coffee cup. Anita is
eating a
lemon tart.
AGATHA
I had an interesting talk with
Lucy a few days ago.
ANITA
Oh? How is that little doll? I
haven’t seen her for so long.
AGATHA
She’s having some doubts about
Bob.
JAMES
What? They seem like such a
happy couple!
AGATHA
(hesitates)
She, um -- doesn’t know if Bob
really loves her.
JAMES
Why would Bob marry her if he
didn’t love her?
AGATHA
There are plenty of reasons for
marriage besides love, James.
ANITA
Yes, Lucy's father -- is filthy
rich.
JAMES
Bob wouldn’t marry her just for
her money. The man isn’t poor.
ANITA
An accountant could never rack
up as much money as Victor Bigg,
James.
JAMES
I don’t think we should be
talking about this.
AGATHA
And why is that?
JAMES
This is between Lucy and Bob.
It's none of our business.
AGATHA
(ignores James)
And do you know what else,
Anita?
ANITA
(eagerly)
No, what? Tell me. Tell me.
AGATHA
Lucy thinks Bob is seeing
another woman on the side!
ANITA
(amazed)
Really? No way.
AGATHA
Yes. Unbelievable isn't it? What
a paranoid girl!
ANITA
You don’t believe her?
AGATHA
I suppose anything is possible.
But that would be outrageous for
Bob to be seeing another woman
while he's engaged.
ANITA
Yes, I agree. Bobby could never
do such a thing. He's such an
honest accountant.
AGATHA
But -- anything is possible.
ANITA
I heard a rumour about your
Boss, Agatha.
AGATHA
(eagerly)
Really? I did too. Tell me what
you heard.
ANITA
It seems Mr. and Mrs. Butt are
having marriage problems.
AGATHA
Oh, I'm not surprised. I have no
idea why Marnie stays married to
that grouchy man. I bet they
never have sex. Can you imagine?
Anita
and Agatha laugh. James frowns.
JAMES
I don’t think we should be
gossiping about other people.
AGATHA
Who’s going to know, James? It’s
just the three of us. I never
share secrets with anyone but
you two. Anita's my best friend,
and you're --
JAMES
(indignant)
Just say it!
An
attractive woman with short black hair walks in
the
door. She is in her mid to late forties. This
is MARNIE
BUTT. Agatha stares at her.
AGATHA
Oh, God! It's Marnie.
(lowers her voice)
Anita, did you ever see such a
bad hair day in all your life?
ANITA
(giggles)
You'd think she'd try to look
better considering her age.
JAMES
That’s mean, Anita.
AGATHA
She has no excuse for such
terrible hair, James. If she
invested an hour of her time
like we do every morning --
ANITA
She could look -- almost
attractive!
(they both laugh)
JAMES
(sarcastically)
But never as gorgeous as both of
you.
AGATHA
Oh, James. You so flatter us!
JAMES
I think I’ll be going now.
AGATHA
(pretends to be sad)
Must you?
JAMES
Yes, I think I’m needed
somewhere else... Maybe I’ll go
style my hair.
AGATHA
Why don't you shave it all off
and take a vow of virginity?
Become a monk. I wouldn't mind
you know.
JAMES
Be quiet about that!
James
stands up and accidentally knocks over Agatha's
coffee cup. Coffee spills in her lap and the cup
breaks on
the floor. Agatha reaches down to pick up the
pieces.
James kneels, then stands, and gives Agatha a
severe head-
butt. Agatha groans in pain. James is unhurt.
AGATHA
You did that on purpose!
James
hurries out of the coffee shop before Agatha can
hit
him.
EXT. VICTORIA STREET -- MOMENTS LATER
It
is lightly snowing. James spots Lucy waiting at
a bus
stop. Tears are streaming down her face. He hurries
to
her, slips on the ice, and body-checks an old
lady into
the bus stop. This is GRETCHEN TIDY.
GRETCHEN
Rebellious youth!
JAMES
I’m so sorry, Mrs. Tidy.
Gretchen
whacks him repeatedly with her purse. Lucy smiles
at James’ clumsiness.
GRETCHEN
Watch where you’re going, young
man.
JAMES
I’m really sorry... I’ll be more
careful in the future.
(turns to Lucy)
What’s wrong, Lucy?
LUCY
(wipes a tear from her eye)
Oh, James. My life is such a
mess.
JAMES
Fourth year is totally intense,
isn't it? The professors are
just crazy. They pile on essays
like we're their slaves.
LUCY
I know. I can barely keep up
with my reading.
JAMES
Professors are tyrants. I think
we should start protesting --
form a student union. Some
students put in 60 hours a week.
It’s insane.
LUCY
James, my problems are more than
just University.
JAMES
What's wrong?
LUCY
I really can’t talk about it.
JAMES
Would you -- like a ride? My
car’s just around the corner.
LUCY
No, that's OK. The bus will be
here soon.
JAMES
OK.
LUCY
I’m so glad I have Agatha. She’s
such a support for me.
JAMES
(tries not to laugh)
R, R -- Really?
LUCY
Yes, she’s so compassionate.
JAMES
Well --
LUCY
What?
JAMES
I shouldn’t say anything.
LUCY
You don’t like Agatha?
JAMES
She’s likeable most of the time.
LUCY
What is it then?
JAMES
I think it’s important to
consider -- who you can trust.
LUCY
If there's anyone I can trust --
it’s Agatha.
JAMES
I’m glad you have another woman
you can talk to.
LUCY
Everyone should have a friend
they can share their troubles
with.
JAMES
I don’t.
LUCY
You don’t have someone? Or you
don’t want someone?
JAMES
I go out with Agatha once in a
while, but it's nothing serious.
LUCY
It's not good to be alone,
James.
JAMES
Hey -- why don't we go out some
night?
LUCY
(uncomfortably)
James! I'm engaged.
JAMES
No, no. I didn’t mean it like
that. I mean -- if you’re having
trouble with an essay, let me
know, and we can meet for a
coffee.
A
bus stops at the curb. The doors open.
LUCY
Oh, OK. Sure. I’ll think about
that.
Lucy
looks back at James as she steps on board the
bus.
LUCY
Bye.
CONTINUED....
